Gliberated Soul!

Opportunism

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 11:40:28 GMT

Just when I had thought the media had matured and become (largely) responsible they completely prove me wrong. The 'leaked' Liberhann Report on the Babri Masjid demolition is occupying all the possible minutes (and columns) barring the ad spots. I don't subscribe to the importance they're attaching to this!

My points of grouse are these:
1. Is this actually THE report?
2. If it's so, the report gives a clean chit to the then Rao government, which is a shame.
3. Who leaked the report? Obviously it has to be someone from within the government. So, why? What's the motive?
4. Is it just to draw away the attention on the sugar cane fiasco?

That the BJP IS (was) responsible for the demolition is common knowledge - the more their leaders deny their involvement the less the party's credentials have been over time. However, just like MOST controversies and tragedies in this country it was assumed that no charges would ultimately stick.

Last seen/heard, Justice LIberhann lost his cool over the kind of questions on the leak (if it was an 'insider' job i.e.). And the most laughable of all statements was that of Congress. "Leakage of Liberhann report very seriousl". Who are they trying to convince? They alone are to benefit out of it.

Finito!

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 16:12:41 GMT

You win
every argument
every skrimish
each quarrel
all the battles
And you LOSE the war

Process

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 18:01:49 GMT

Still seeking
Still searching
Still roaming
Still perfecting
But not still

Battle for the Throne

Fri, 04 Sep 2009 18:46:04 GMT

When the elections were held in AP in April-May not many - barring the NDTV - had predicted such a landslide victory for the Congress and YS Rajashekhara Reddy. Nor for that matter none expected that in less than four months there'd be a succession battle in AP - following the death of YSR. Obviously the supporters of YSR - in the throes of emotion - want Jaganmohan Reddy, son of YSR to be the next chief minister. Though he is not the only contender to the rich throne of Andhra.

What however is annoying is the kind of importance the media is giving to the candidature of Jaganmohan, being orchestrated by YSR loyalists. Even the so-called responsible channels like the CNN IBN and NDTV are repeatedly telecasting the demand for Jaganmohan to be the CM and have conducted interviews with all and sundry regarding its possibility - including with Moily, the law minister and Rosaiah, the caretaker CM (who's doing this job the third time in his political career, which went missing from the coverage of all the national media).

I hope good sense prevails in the Congress leadership and the baton is NOT passed on to Jagan Mohan as though AP is a private princely state of the Reddy clan. There are far more experienced - and clean and committed - politicians who can lead the state in the hour of crisis. Jagan mohan is not suited not just because he is young but he has not proved anything as a politician. He's a first time MP - and he is there only because his father was the CM. There are enough allegations and whispers that have been going around regarding the financial dealings of Jagan (and his dead father) especially in the starting of their media business. One wouldn't want to see someone who's tainted even before he's started the career occupying a very important position in the state. It would only send the wrong signals all around. Also, having someone not from the YSR family also might put a probable stop to the factionist violence in the Rayalaseema of AP.

Another few days and we would know what happens and where the political thinking of the Congress party is headed.

Touch Down

Tue, 01 Sep 2009 08:25:05 GMT

I’m absolutely irritated when my alarm goes off in the morning thanks to late night surfing. The flight to Jammu is at 11:30. Not wanting to be late I reluctantly get out of the bed. More problem in the offing as I find neither the water heater nor the hot water tap working in the bathroom. It takes multiple phone calls and a bit of screaming for the plumber to arrive. I start panicking as the clock ticks away.

My tension doesn’t abate till I check-in. I enter the lounge after the security check and all I notice is an ocean of olive green. Army men in fatigues and uniforms occupy the entire lounge broken only by small groups of men with billowing beards. “Is the situation in J&K this bad?” my heart skips a beat. How difficult it must be to live there! I even call up JS to tell him as I sit next to a colonel. He looks at me disdainfully. Later I realize that many of them are leaving for a UN mission on a chartered flight! Ah, the fanciful flights of mind!

A security man grunts something at a 30 something bearded man even as he smiles obsequiously. “I have to go to Kashmir” he says – twice – in Hindi. The image stays even as I board the flight. I find the same man inside the plane sitting in a row ahead of me. A while later there is commotion over the seat. Another man – slightly distressed – repeatedly buzzes for the airhostess.

“Yes Sir?”

“My boarding pass says my seat is 10A but someone’s already sitting here”.

I notice it’s the same bearded man with the same stupid smile. The air hostess tries to converse with him in English and he smiles away without comprehending much (I presume). “May I see your boarding pass please?” she says in English and repeats in Hindi and the man hands over his passport to her! She manages to get the boarding pass and says, “Sir this is not your seat. Would you please come with me?” The man says, “but I sat here first!” in Hindi as he rises and walks behind her, grinning sheepishly!

Inclement weather and mighty turbulence we experience on the way. The flight is delayed by a good 20 minutes before it lands. Nobody checks the boarding passes of the alighting passengers to verify if they’re to disembark in Jammu only. I’d assumed it was a routine but mandatory drill. It’s raining in Jammu. “Is it a good sign?” I muse. It’s a small airport. Someone from the office is already there with a placard carrying my name. “Samarjeet Singh Sir, AAO”. He tries to carry my baggage even as I firmly say no.

It’s 2kms from the airport to the office (and the guesthouse). A few more officers from the office are awaiting my arrival. After a round of pleasantries and tea they leave allowing me to freshen up before I meet my new boss.

GS is a short man, bald with a little grey hair on the fringes. He sports an almost invisible white cropped moustache. His English bears no trace of his Bengali antecedents. A few minutes of polite banter over tea follows.

I’m in!

Jammu Diary (The Delhi Stopover)

Mon, 31 Aug 2009 08:21:44 GMT

16 August 2009.

My last day before I start for Jammu. Hectic is an understatement. Hair colour (I wanted to colour mine brown much to the outrage of BS and JS, who also were forced to join in), a new restaurant for breakfast (Mayyas in Jayanagar, a flop show as we couldn’t find place among the crowd), meet SB, a senior officer and JS’s former boss in Bangalore, lunch at JS’s, movie (the Public Enemies, not worth the hype at all regardless of Johnny Depp’s presence), packing, a booze session, multitude of calls (importantly to RD to ascertain if the vehicle is coming to pick me up in Delhi) and the last minute tie-ups (for the taxi, contractor’s payments, Abhi’s fees, instructions to the maid and the gardener, etc). I’d later realize that as usual I’d forgotten to pack certain essentials.

I crashed even before I’d finished a sentence of complaint at BS.

17 August

I was stopping over in Delhi. To meet with the Senior (I’d sought an appointment too, to keep the pompous man happy). RD’s vehicle was waiting at the airport. I remember the first time I’d come to the new terminal at Delhi in May, I’d noticed that there was a leak in the ceiling. They’d placed a dirty plastic bucket right underneath, to avoid the water spilling all over the place. I’d even taken a picture of it. So much for private participation.

I reach the HQ by 2:15. RD is – as usual – a beehive of activity. People and papers keep buzzing in and out. RD shoots one command after the other, efficiency and assurance personified. I learn that the Senior’s busy in a conference and it’s 4:30 when it gets over. I’ve already left a message with his PS that I’m waiting. I check out with the PS again at 5 and learn that he’s back in his chamber. I am told to wait, as is his wont. I smile at his consistent ways. After a good 15 minutes the King relents and lets me in.

“So, is your boss sad?” he guffaws. I wonder what he might tell someone else about me. “Your new boss, Mr. GS, is a taskmaster”. “That shouldn’t be a problem Sir” I respond mechanically. “Okay, all the best” he concludes. But I didn’t go there just get his wishes. So I ask. “Why Jammu Sir?” “Because that was the only place we could accommodate you at”. Audacity. “Besides you also must look into yourself and see why you were graded the way you were graded”. I start telling my story. I know he’s not interested in listening. I don’t stop though until I’m not through. I wanted him to know that I could’ve defended myself even if he had not revised my appraisal.

RD – who had a conference in between – is back too. “Why don’t you meet SK while you’re here?” she suggests. SK is the in-charge of all the administrative matters. I was hesitant. SK was good to me in the past. He had acceded to my request for posting in Bangalore. But in the aftermath of JS’s case against the department, the equations had certainly changed. “Hey! Look (that’s her favourite phrase), people now know the truth about JS yaar. They know that SSM isn’t a holy cow as he always has projected. There’s a lot of sympathy now for JS and they know that they were wrong in their actions against him” she rattled. I acquiesced. “Don’t take too long. Let’s go out for dinner and I have a lot to talk” she warned. “I don’t think he will have much to talk to me” I retorted. It was going to be 7PM and I had no mood to sit there for more than 10 minutes. I was soon proved wrong.

SK gave me a long, soft stare as I entered his room. “Just came in to wish you Sir” I said, fidgeting and not knowing what to say. “Now that you’ve come and wishes, sit for a while”. Silence.

“So, what is the matter between your boss in Bangalore and you?”

“Do you really want to know Sir?”

“Yes. I have to know. I have a mandate”. So my story began. The second rendition for the day. Surprise of surprises, he was very attentive as the narration unfolded.

“Why didn’t you even give me a hint?”

“Sir, had it been before July 2008 I’d surely have spoken to you. But after what happened with JS…”

“Even I was a villain in the piece there”

I can’t but smile as I said, “Yes Sir”.

RD walked in. It was past 8PM. And further discussions enfolded. How to establish a two-way communication mechanism as against the one-way that exists now? What could be done to ensure young officers do not lose their morale while caught in the wrong places/situations or with the wrong bosses? SK even suggested I should stay back in Delhi for another day and meet the Madam. “Tell her the entire story. Only the truth. And let her decide what could be done about your transfer”. I declined. “I’ll report and then submit a representation Sir”. “Which places – other than Bangalore – would suit your requirement?” “Any place I can reach home from within 12Hyderabad, Pune, Chennai and Kochi”. He was perplexed for a moment. He also confided that he was given to understand that I wanted this transfer (to Jammu) and that’s how he didn’t talk to me before issuing the orders. Hilarious! I also learn that it was RD who helped the Senior in ‘revising’ my appraisal. I feel deeply touched. And, she’d never NEVER told me, though we had talked to each other several times hence.

It was 9:30 when RD and I reached a south Indian restaurant. Our idea of a great dinner and a lot of gossip, a lot of talk about our lives. By the time we parted ways – she graciously saw me off to the guest house – it was almost midnight. “Won’t your mom be anxious?” “I’ve already called her to say I’d be late” she said as the car zoomed out of the guest house.

Jammu Diary

Mon, 24 Aug 2009 07:37:01 GMT

PROLOGUE

Bolt from the Delhi Skies

Mid-July. My colleague PU called up from Delhi to announce my impending transfer. It hit harder than Usain Bolt’s record possibly. “You know you are being posted to Jammu. The orders might reach you any moment from now” he announced. I was too dazed to react. He went on to say a lot more things which I later recollected through the haze. There was hardly anything pleasant though. He called again in a while to tell me that he was in the Senior’s chamber and it was him who’d asked PU to speak (the tone, the words et al) to me thus. I got that. The word Jammu had yet to sink into my skin, mind etc. I hadn’t even made the mandatory distress calls to JS and BS about it. When I ultimately did they first thought it was a joke. Many others (who had seen the transfer on the net) called in over the next 24 hours. Mom was shocked and she began to cry over the phone. Dad was equanimity personified. “You knew all this when you joined the Service, didn’t you?”

But the transfer was not a benign one. It was being effected because of two reasons. One, my performance appraisal had gone terribly wrong at the hands of my boss (though it was suitably ‘amended’ to save my fall from grace by the Senior). So, ostensibly, the Senior wanted to save me from further trouble from my boss in Bangalore. But then the Senior himself wasn’t too happy with me. “He’s ignoring me and has grown bigger than his boots” he had commented to whoever wanted to hear. And he had an axe to grind with my boss too. One stone, two birds. Upgrade my appraisal to acceptable levels and insult my boss and get me posted out of Bangalore to a distant station and teach me a lesson. Mission accomplished. None in the department was too happy that I was hobnobbing too closely with JS. JS was my colleague, friend, sounding board, many things rolled into one. He was fighting a legal battle with the Department (the Jury is still out on this).

Farewells

Many of my colleagues, well-wishers asked me to represent against the transfer. One senior even joked, “What are they trying to do? Make you see all the corners of the country?” SV (and a few others) even sent me drafts of my representations over mail. “Please don’t accept this transfer”. After much deliberation I chose NOT to represent and accept the transfer order, though I had spent less than 2 years in Bangalore.

Further drama unfolded over my date of relief. Any ways, I was relieved from my office in Bangalore on 3 August 2009 after several farewell parties from the colleagues and subordinates (lunch, tea, dinner). Some even gave me presents – nothing expensive thankfully. A Baba’s idol, a Ganpati, a coupon to buy books (as everyone knew I loved books).

Amidst all this, I had a memorable afternoon of getting together with my High School classmates – many of whom I hadn’t seen in over two decades. A two hour togetherness got extended to a five hour one! Cameras flashed unceasingly; the conversation flowed non-stop too. Especially with Lakshmi wielding the baton to ensure everyone spoke and shared all their history of the past 2 decades!

Best Laid Plans

Most of the days between 3 and 17 August I spent at home, in Kolar. Supervising the construction of the house. Most things I’d planned happened. Some didn’t. As the date of journey approached (17 August) I wondered about all that JS, PK and I had planned about thinking beyond our current jobs as our careers. The transfer was happening at an inopportune moment; a mighty spanner in the works. Even though I displayed bravado I was scared within. Our trip to Hyderabad wouldn’t happen. The plan to go the entrepreneurial way might just get delayed. The fate of the house under construction seemed too bad.

I – after talks with BS and JS – tentatively fixed the date as 5 September 2009 for my return from Jammu to wind up things in Bangalore. With the number of horror stories that were being told about my boss in Jammu I wondered if I’d be able to stick to this either!

Obituary

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 05:10:59 GMT

The King is dead. The King of Pop that is. None perhaps had dreamt during his heyday that MJ would die the way he did – embattled and embittered. Least of all Michael Jackson himself.

The man arguably created some of the best music the pop world has ever seen. His work also saw him catapulted to stardom that wasn’t probably heard ever before (ah, barring a certain Elvis of course). Records were broken with impunity by the Jackson numbers. His album ‘Thriller’ to this day perhaps holds the record for the highest sales ever. Dangerous and Black or White succeeded Thriller with super sales, albeit criticism that they weren’t as good. I remember all my classmates waiting eagerly for the release of ‘Dangerous’ in the late 80s with such infectious keenness, when I’d not even heard of him!

Michael Jackson’s personal life made more news than his music in the 90s. Or perhaps, his popularity resulted in so much media hoopla about his life. The accusations of pedophilia, the umpteen numbers of legal tangles, the loss of money and almost-bankruptcy filled the pages. While it was only his obsession with his skin-tone (and the hushed multiple plastic surgeries) and the rifts in the family were the only talk of the gossip mills earlier. A make-believe marriage to the King’s daughter, Lisa Mary, didn’t help things much. Lisa went on to reveal later that the couple never had sex (wasn’t that obvious?).

MJ’s death doesn’t come to me as a surprise. Possibly it’s a welcome relief for the wonder who created some of the best foot-tapping music coupled with equally mind-numbing dance moves. Hope his soul has found the solace it never had in its mortal life. And, hope the world would ideally remember him for all the right reasons - his music and his dance - than all the wrong ones!

The Year (so far)

Mon, 15 Jun 2009 06:29:58 GMT

About to finish half of 2009 in another fortnight and I'm for a change not exactly cribbing about how the year has gone by. Especially since I had not particularly thought of any resolutions that I wanted to keep. :)

I'm thinking if I should update (for keeps) how the first half was for me, what I did and accomplished, read, heard, saw. And, what I didn't do too! Still contemplating. If I end up writing it all, I know it'd only interest me and none else. Self-indulgence?

B'day

Mon, 15 Jun 2009 06:21:09 GMT

Expectation turns to trepidation
The prospect of presents
Doesn't excite either
The eyes squint to see more lines
Only to cause further furrows.
"Party!" I hear the screams
"NO!" I scream within
Petrified by not the hangover
But the clock thats ticking by
Announcing my entry into the New Decade

Disappointed...

Mon, 27 Apr 2009 04:54:23 GMT

.. with the turnout in elections - particularly in the Urban Areas across the country.

All the awareness campaigns run by the media and the corporate houses ultimately meant nothing to the electorate. In fact the turn-outs were MUCH lower than what was seen in even 2004. To make a most depressing comparison the electoral turn-out in Bengaluru South was lower than even in the terrorism-affected J&K (44% vs 49%). Take that!

What then would really make people vote?

Kab Jaagoge re?

Speechless

Tue, 31 Mar 2009 04:34:56 GMT

Scene 1

Kumar came to me and said, "Sudhir I need to talk to you. It's important". "Fine. Right now?" "NOOO! Somewhere else!" he had a bewildered, "HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT" expression on his face. So we walked out of the college, sat in the park, away from any snooping ears or eyes. "So, what's it that bothers you?" I asked Kumar.

He looked away, fidgeted and then sharply turned toward me and said, "You know my father has three children". It was a statement rather than a question. Of course I knew both his sisters. One elder and the other younger. "To make all the three children, did my father have to have sex three times or was once enough?"

Scene 2

Kempegowda Medical College canteen. A group of girls are having this chat over their snacks.
"What does your sister do Madhavi?"
"She's doing her engineering. She's in the second year at the BMS"
"How come she's in the second year? She's younger to you right?"
"Yeah she's younger. But we are twins"
"Oh!"
"Yeah, she's just 6 months younger to me"

The two incidents narrated above happened in reality. Beyond the bafflment and the humour, I see the necessity of sex education that otherwise is being denied by our prudish society.

Anecdote 2

Tue, 16 Dec 2008 03:16:28 GMT

"Sir an auto driver is here to see you" My PA came in and announced. I assumed it to be BS's auto-driver who comes everyday to pick him up and drop him at his work place. But BS did leave with him in the morning, what's it that he wants I wondered as I asked him to be shown in. The guy who walked in wasn't the same driver. I didn't recall seeing him earlier. "Sir, do you remember you came by my auto with another lady three days back?" he asked me. I couldn't recollect. I gave him a blank look. "Is this another ploy to swindle money?" was my first thought. What plan it was I couldn't fathom though. "You got down first sir and the lady got down near your house", he continued. 'Ah, yeah, I remember" I exclaimed, "It was my sister with me"! "Yes Sir, but madam forgot a book in my auto". But Kumi hadn't even mentioned having left behind or lost anything. She'd even left for the UK the previous day! "This book Sir", he showed. It was surely what Kumi and I had bought at the Gangaram's. A book on infant dermatology. "Yes I remember that book" and I gleefully accepted the book.

"If it were a cheap book Sir I'd have probably sold it off. But I saw that it was expensive. I even came twice to your place while on this side but there was none at your place. And, the servant couldn't speak either Kannada or Hindi. Then today she said, 'saar's aafice is opposite'. I could understand that much telugu of hers and came here". I really was touched by what he said. I was lmoved by his act of honesty and his integrity. I asked him his name. 'Chaand sir, Chaand Pasha'. Two preconceived notions that one can have about people were crumbling right in front of my eyes.

I offered him money. He refused all that and said, "Sir just give me the auto fare as I'd to specifically come here this time and it'd be 20Rs" he said. I paid him as he asked, took a snap of his along with his auto. I was left speechless for quite a long time after...

Later in the day, Kumi called to say, 'Su I think the bokstore people did NOT give me the book I'd bought the other day". "No Kumi, they'd given it. You'd left it behind in the auto. The driver brought it to the office today". "WHAT???" she screamed.

Anecdotes..

Sat, 13 Dec 2008 13:10:48 GMT

I was at my friend's office in CV Raman Nagar. It was lunch time and we walked to Bagmane Park to grab a quick bite. "What do you wanna eat?" I asked Sirish. As his wont he said "Anything Sudhir". I responded as always with an irritated glare at him. Anyways, the place was teeming with people. And, odours from various joints in the food court were appealing and nauseating at the same time. I thumbed down the idea of eating from the Paramount. It was McDonalds at last - Sirish reluctantly agreed to eat a burger, as he hates bread for lunch or dinner. A sardar smiled sweetly - the contrast of his pearly whites against a jet black beard - at me as I tried to push my way through the serpantine queue. "Oh! I didn't notice there was a queue" I said sheepishly and stood behind him. 15 minutes and we were greeted by a still-chirpy girl. "One chicken happy meal, one medium fries, one mcveggie. Give me a coffee in place of coke" I told her. "That'd be Rs.182 Sir". I handed her a Rs.500 note and waited for the change and the food plate. She returned Rs. 218. "Is that 282?" I asked her. "Ah Sir..." and a pause later "It's 182 and I have given you 318 as change". "You've given me only 2 100-rupee notes lady". "Oh". I couldn't read her expression. I asked her again. My food arrived in the meanwhile and the change was still coming even as the girl went on attending to other customers' requests. After three repetitions with a resigned "here you're Sir" she gave me my correct change.

I gave her a benefit-of-doubt that it was NOT deliberate and it's possible that she thought that it was I who was trying to trick her! I normally would've given a mouthful and screamed at the counter-staff in such situations. It was a different experience today. Surely something that did NOT leave me all worked up! :)

A Nation Without Grace..

Sat, 06 Dec 2008 10:39:02 GMT

No, it's not Pakistan I'm accusing of being graceless. It's India and us Indians who have proved to be absolutely disgraceful in the aftermath of the terror attacks in Mumbai.

It took Shivraj Patil 47 terror attacks and stern orders from Sonia to put in his papers - and he continued to say he did his duty! Manmohan Singh struggled to read from even a prepared text during his address to the nation that was telecast live. Pratibha Patil thought it was more important to tour the South East Asian nations while the nation fought the terrorists.

A Chief Minister made the most disparaging remarks in decades at a house of death and thereafter too. Achutanandan even dug in his heels to say that he said nothing wrong. Public rallies, ultra-political pressure was needed to make him say, "I'm sorry IF I've hurt his feelings". A conditional apology! Muqtar Abbas Naqvi was equally (if not more) sick. I really wish the media had played the video often enough so that the 'pseudo-leader' would've been made to eat crow. Alas, other events were more pressing for the press! RR Patil too made his exit after his infamous belittling of the enormity of the attack.

Vilasrao Deshmukh thought it made great photo-op to be seen with son and Ram Gopal Verma at the Taj recce - the first after the clean-up process. And, he said there was nothing wrong in taking his son to the Taj. To top it all he added that RGV was there near the Taj and just joined along! Callousness never knew these heights earlier. RGV was equally shameless in his interview to the NDTV.

Modi and Advani and the rest of the BJP is trying very hard to prove their 'deshbhakti' credentials and showing what turncoats they really are! The same police officer who was castigated and criticised by them no end, Shri Kirkire, now is a martyr!

Every security agency - the police, the Navy, the IB et al - is busy playing the blame-game. None wants to admits to one's lapses. 'We want actionable input' the Navy Chief asserted. What in the world does he mean?

The icing on the cake has been Narayana Rane. All that he could think of during the current crisis was himself and his right to become the CM of Maharashtra!

The entire nation is making an ass of itself by pointing fingers - as usual - at Pakistan. Retrieving a list of 20 most wanted from 2002, it has demanded action and their deportation from Pakistan to India. Who in the right senses will listen to the cliched talk?

Most of the citizens are busy asking for action against almost everyone and everything. Not one is willing to see what role each of us has played in bringing the nation to the state it's in today. The only saving grace I could find was the honesty with which Mr Chidambaram spoke and admitted to lapses. The lone courageous person in a billion? Sure a proud moment for the Country. India's truly shining!!

Breaking a Jinx

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 08:38:07 GMT

"Hey! We'll soon have a new house! My dad's making plans" I had shreiked to my friend in delight. I was in Class IV or V then. "Will you be in the same school or will you join Seventh Day" he had asked in turn. Soon he and I both forgot about the house. Again in Class VI, we started looking for a house. We even visited one. I saw dad talking to the owner and later in the evening, to all our relatives. "He's agreed for Rs. XXX. I think it's reasonable". I exchanged notes with my sis. "There is more space in front of the house. We can have a garden". "I want a swing" she responded. The house never became ours though.

Many such moments came and went by. With each such episode my mom went a little down. A little sad at first and a lot cynical later. Both mom and Kumi (my sister) always yearned and pined for the house. Being the women they were it was probably only natural. Dad had built one before he was married to mom but he sold it and gave away the proceeds to his sister and brother. Mom hadn't cribbed, I remember.

Even after my education was over, the plans were still being made, none materializing. Many thousands went down the drain in the form of payments to brokers, advances to the house-owners and travel. We'd be close to owning our own home. But never close enough to call it our own. I'd become stoical about the whole thing and hardly paid any heed when mom would bemoan about not having a roof that we could call our very own, very often.

Most of the money parents had earned was spent not just on our education but also on our relatives' wellbeing. Both my father's and my mother's siblings grew up at our place, were educated by my parents and helped in settling their lives. They all had gone on to do well. Including having their own homes. In Bangalore, Mysore and elsewhere. Some even multiple properties. We'd stayed where we had started from. In the same rented house status - the houses changed, so did the rentals though.

My sister used to get very bitter about the house we stayed in. She used to feel embarassed to bring her friends into the place. "I hate it" she would say vehemently. I had no problems though. There were times my mom would quarrel with dad, "Because of you we haven't even been able to have the security of the house". Dad would go off on a different tangent, "IF only my children had listened to me". "I'll die without seeing our home" mom. "Why can't you be responsible for anything?" sis. Sometimes it hurt, sometimes it didn't matter.

When I returned to Bangalore after 10 years, building a house was the priority. However, ever since September 2007 nothing had been done. Even after mom transferred the site to my name so we could get loan easily from a bank. Kumi sent money too. All of her hard-earned money in the UK. Despite the opposition from her in-laws (that almost threatened her marriage) and despite her own jobless situation. Mom once flew off her handle at me. Dad and I blamed each other for the non-starter now. First it was plan approvals, next it was change of the site account. Then it was inauspicious days. Non-availability of a contractor. Phew! There was no end to our excuses.

Something that had NOT happened for 30 years wasn't wiling to happen in a hurry now. Relatives in Bangalore tried dissuading parents to construct the house NOW in hometown (Kolar). They said, "Sudhir would settle anyways in Bangalore. Why waste money building a house that none would later live in?" Parents were horrified to hear. They almost believed that I didn't want to get back to Kolar. My granny offered her own property to us. It was like adding fuel to fire for mom. She hated the gesture and threw a tantrum at us all. For a woman who's self-reliance personified, it was shameful to hear those words of offer.

All sob stories largely have a good end in movies. It happened here too. I, who was least concerned until now, suddenly transformed. I set first a deadline by which the house would be ready. I declared, "We will conduct the house-warming ceremony in May 2009". Dad continued to read his newspaper. Mom looked at me with blank eyes. "Kumi, I'm committed to build the house before May" I called sis to tell her and she changed the topic. None trusted that I'd do anything.

After having been everything - shirker, liar, lazy, irresponsible - I've begun a new beginning now. We broke the jinx. On 5 November, we did the Bhumi Puja. Despite the hiccups before the D-day (father's tantrums, mother's doubts, Kumi's cold vibes, relatives' rues over contractor et al) we had a smooth take-off.

Yes, mom and dad now believe that the house-warming could happen in May! I smile. Even as I worry about handling Kumi's mails of accusations and anger over the construction.

Gentleman Finishes First!

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 04:24:22 GMT

He's not the greatest of all times. Nor is he the most flamboyant. Even in his own country he's not the most popular champion. He's not known for his quotable quotes, tantrums or a wild personal life either. However none would disagree if one called him graceful or a gentleman. Even his detractors would concur with that.

He could Blitz for sure. All the aficionados agreed he was Rapid without doubt. He could even deliver Knock-Out punches. But he a Classic champion? There never was even a word about it. Even his ardent supporters couldn't vociferously support him on that count.

Proving everyone wrong and making his greatest fans wishes come true 'Vishy' Viswanathan Anand has become the World Chess Champion in the Classic Format beating Vladimir Kramnik 6.5-4.5 after 11 games. And he becomes the first Chess player to become a Champion in all formats of the game. It's more than a creditable achievement for a man who began over two decades ago. It also is a reflection of the Champion's determination, mental strength and hard work.

Anand was not the favourite to win this time against Kramnik. His record against Kramnik is not great. And his form before the start of the championship was suspect. He had come into the World Championship with losses elsewhere. Not many would have placed any bets on him. The odds were thus certainly against him. On top of that there were statements after statements from Kramnik and his camp too - of their confidence and their strategies. As ever, you hardly heard any retorts or comments from the gentleman.

Kramnik and his camp must have been taken off-guard with the openings and defence strategies (or even the attacks engineered) adopted by Anand. They were novel, innovative and so un-Anand! The results they produced? Even before anybody could gasp or say 'wow', Vishy had established an almost unassailable lead. Despite a hiccup just before closing out on the World title, Vishy emerged a comfortable winner. Kramnik never had been trounced thus before. His wish was fulfilled when he returned to the FIDE fold in 2006. However his wish to become the undisputed champion met a hitherto unaccustomed hurdle in Vishy. This sure is no wishy-washy win! Barring Gary Kasparov now Anand has defeated everyone convincingly. Unfortunate that Gary and Vishy wouldn't play again though!

Anand's story continues to inspire. He is a true champion. His success in the international arena has given a new fillip to Indian chess over the last decade and a half. His example has produced many champions in the making. His contribution thus is immeasurable. He may not have been felicitated as much as many other less-achieved Cricketers. But his army of admirers only grows steadily. Congratulations Vishy! May you always be the Champion you are!

Of Hope and Despair..

Fri, 24 Oct 2008 07:47:17 GMT

It was April 2008.
"I'm sure the market is close to a collapse. I believe it'll go sub-10K" I'd said to my ex-bf and economist SB. He'd bristled at my naivete. "You don't understand econmics or market. Don't make statements like that. If markets plummet like that, the entire economy's going to crumble". I had felt sufficiently chastised.

Swaminathan Anklesariya Iyer in TOI and Economic Times had written an article about crude at sub-100 prices. Everyone (including yours truly, regardless of the hope it inspired) had guffawed at it as a good joke. All of us wanted to believe some Indian who in the meantime was making predictions about crude at $200+ per barrel.

And it's October 2008 now. In six months my 'irresponsible' statement has come true. The markets across the globe have tumbled. And, SSA Iyer too wouldn't have dreamt that crude would be sub70 dollars! People have lost lives (some have killed themselves, some have succumbed to heart attacks) as they have watched their investments sublimate without a trace.

Nobody sees the market bottoming out yet. The fears of recession grips everyone. Jobs are disappearing faster than you could say, 'fired'! Of course the governments aren't helping anybody's cause either with doublespeak, volte-faces, window-dressing measures, et al. Nothing seems to be rational. Including the news of a sacked high-ranking executive of a Korean company for saying 'it's extreme greed that's caused this situation'. The company fired him because he 'spoke against the policy of the company'!

The most irrational happenings can be seen in the currency markets. People I believe are hoarding dollars and yens. (More yens than dollars I guess as yen is seen appreciating even against the dollar). India's fundamentals surely appear to be stronger than that of the US'. However, the rupee is taking such a severe drubbing that it's crossed the 50Rs/$ mark today.

Media and the markets are trying to find hope in small events like the coming down of inflation and gold prices, and even vegetables.

It had to happen - the meltdown. So, it's happened. The markets and the men will be brought to mother earth. The prices of real estate that had touched the Moon should be coming down along with the Chandrayaan. The dreams of many have been shattered. Someone else will build his very dreams on these ruins.

What News Mr. Minister?

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 07:15:17 GMT

The Times of India today talked about the Cabinet meeting. Notihng unusual except that the meeting is to discuss the view the Government will take in front of the Court of Law (Delhi High Court) with regard to homosexuality and Section 377.

Most people (gay or otherwise) who have been actively involved with the case since 2001 may not be hoping or expecting for any earth-shattering change in the Government stand. However, the views of one Minister has invited the meeting and that really is something to cheer (of course in 2006 too the Ministry of Family and Children Welfare was in favour of scrapping Sec.377). Dr. Ramdoss not only stood by his words in the Indian media (after having uttered momentously at Mexico that criminalisation of homosexuality must go) but also seems to exude confidence about convincing his colleagues in the Cabinet. Here's wishing him success. Else of course the courts are always there to play 'knock knock'.

I also have been following the hearings of the Court through the updates posted by Siddharth Narayan of ALF and others. I marvel at the kind of evidences the ASG (Additional Solicitor General) is using to support the Government's stand that homosexuality should stand criminalised - evangelical stuff and all kind of junk that is available on the Web!

Here's waiting for a brighter, sunnier tomorrow on a cloudy day!

How Do You Use Your Brain?

Fri, 10 Oct 2008 10:09:52 GMT

(Thanks to a test at www.mindmedia.com)

Your Brain Usage Profile:

Auditory : 64%
Visual : 35%
Left : 47%
Right : 52%

Sudhir, your hemispheric dominance is equally divided between left and right brain, while you show a moderate preference for auditory versus visual learning, signs of a balanced and flexible person.

Your balance gives you the enviable capacity to be verbal and literate while retaining a certain "flair" and individuality. You are logical and compliant but only to a degree. You are organized without being compulsive, goal-directed without being driven, and a "thinking" individual without being excessively so.

The one problem you might have is that your learning might not be as efficient as you would like. At times you will work from the specific to the general, while at other times you'll work from the general to the specific. Sometimes you will be logical in your approach while at other times random. Since you cannot always control the choice, you may experience frustrations not normally felt by persons with a more defined and directed learning style.

You may also minimally experience conflicts associated with auditory processing. You will be systematic and sequential in your processing of information, you will most often focus on a single dimension of the problem or material, and you will be more reflective, i.e., "taking the data in" as opposed to "devouring" it.

Overall, you should feel content with your life and yourself. You are, perhaps, a little too critical of yourself - and of others - while maintaining an "openness" which is redeeming. Indecisiveness is a problem and your creativity is not in keeping with your potential. Being a pragmatist, you downplay this aspect of yourself and focus on the more immediate, the more obvious and the more functional.

Vacuum (or, is it the Expanse?)

Sun, 05 Oct 2008 14:46:49 GMT

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Vote Sluts

Thu, 11 Sep 2008 09:33:45 GMT

I believe it was a calculated move by Jaya. To speak about her UP and Hindi.. She was well aware of the backlash caused by Amitabh's utterances earlier. And, I for one moment do NOT believe that her comment was spontaneous. No Sir.

She surely was baiting Raj Thackeray (what's the spelling anyways?). She knew he would react. And, react he did. This was PRECISELY the result the Bachhans (and the media, oh yes, who does NOT love a controversy when each moment is dedicated to BREAKING NEWS) and the Samajwadi Party wanted. More nuisance followed by Raj's hooligans. Great publicity for the Bachhans.

Neither the Bachhans nor the movie's producers (or the theatre owners) will suffer any losses. All their losses would be covered up by the insurance firms. Sure all of us debate the high-handedness of Raj Thackeray and his goons. The 'Bihar'-isation of Mumbai. Its lawlessness. How UNSAFE it's for the Hindi-speaking people. And, how the POOR Bachhans are being targeted time and again.

A pretty high-stakes but dangerous game played by the vote sluts (yeah, I'm calling even Ms Bacchan one). Elections round the corner. The first round goes to the SP.

Dilemmas!

Thu, 21 Aug 2008 05:28:33 GMT

How easily one advises others to do or NOT to do things! And, when one has to do them or even worse, when one received advice, God forbid, it's like a mini-volcanic eruption... That's me!

My resident ex-bf has repeatedly been suggestling that I drop out of the Landmark education program I've enrolled myself for. He believes it's a hoax (landmark et al). I hope not. I believe in his cold logic. But I have NEVER the less NEVER listened to him!

So, out for a 3-day program starting from tomorrow that promises to transform my life and invent a brand new ME! Friends, if you find any difference post-transformation, let me know. I might not be me you see!

God!! It's GOLD!!

Mon, 11 Aug 2008 05:30:48 GMT

Regardless of the hopes that everyone had pinned on our Olympics team - everyone includes media in particular and aam janta in general - nobody I believe gave a REAL chance to any of our team members to win a medal.  It's possible that most media (and bloggers too) had already thought of catchy lines panning our team post-Olympics! (Something like, "Hope, Hype and Hapless").

But today when IT - a feat shattering everything that we have seen until now - happened, I guess the entire nation is yet to come to terms with it.

And, then came Abhinav Bindra, the bad boy of Indian shooting. One who has shot his mouth off too in the past. The rebel. And someone who wasn't exactly in the limelight of media coverage of our Olympic team. He was being mentioned more like, "Ah he too is there". Abhinav today is THE man of the moment.

I believe this is the GREATEST moment of Indian sporting history. Probably it'd be the BEST moment EVER. Truly an amazing moment of unbridled pride.

This of course doesn't belittle the achievements of either Leander Paes OR RS Rathore. It enhances them.

I feel like copying the lines of the possible first lady of the US, Mrs. Obama. "For the first time I'm proud of being an Indian".  :)   I'm at work now. And, all I want to do is scream, holler and shout , running all around the place. "We've done it"!!!

Putting a Smile!

Mon, 11 Aug 2008 05:19:32 GMT

If there are one or more people on your friends list who make your world a better place just because they exist, and who you would not have met (in real life or not) without the Internet, then post this same sentence in your journal.